try being compassionate with yourself

Do you find yourself judging yourself badly? Many people do. And this self criticism can become a real obstacle to our own spiritual growth.

That self criticism is the opposite polarity of feeling pride, feeling good about oneself. And both of these movements sustain the sense of self: the ego, the I. The ego doesn't really care whether the self judgement is positive or negative. As long as there's some self judgement going on, the ego can thrive.

And when we are being critical of ourself, it brings an unpleasant feeling. When we're feeling good about ourself, at least there is a pleasure in it. It's very superficial, and it too will be bolstering our ego – and will be very irritating for those people around us. But at least for us, for oneself, it is, in a superficial way, enjoyable.

When we are condemning ourself, though, it is the opposite. It's unpleasant. It's not a space where we are feeling joy. It's the worst of both worlds. We are suffering and the ego is being reinforced.

And what's more, because we only have a limited capacity to suffer, we will only allow ourself to acknowledge those things within us which are not too painful; and the rest we will push into the unconscious part of the mind. This inability to face our shadow elements comes from the self judgement that we impose on those elements. If we can set aside the judgement, then we will have the capacity to look at everything that is within us.

And this non-judgemental attitude really arises through compassion. Compassion: compassion is the natural state of the heart when there is suffering, either in oneself or in another. We only really need to allow ourself to inhabit our heart during these moments and compassion will naturally arise– compassion for oneself.

And this compassion will also undermine any tendency we have towards pride. Pride and shame are bedfellows, really. If we are feeling shameful about something within ourself, at other moments, we will be feeling proud. Compassion will erode both of these.

So give it a try: try being compassionate with yourself.